Live Event: Left Coast Crime – Seattle Shakedown (attending only, no panels) April 11th-14th, 2024! Email KatherineBacher@gmail.com for editing services
Did I grab your attention? Tomorrow kicks off the first day of Left Coast Crime 2024: Seattle Shakedown! I’ll be at the conference as an attendee. There will be many guest speakers, panels of intrigue, and there’s always mystery book goodies! Registration is closed … BUT, there are still DAY PASSES available!
As per their website: Individual Day Passes for Thursday ($75), Friday ($95), and Saturday ($95) are now available. (Day Passes are sold separately and do not include admission to any food events.) Purchase Day Passes Online
Sorry I haven’t been posting monthly. I think I need to stop committing to it. I hate disappointing anyone, especially you, Precious Reader. This has been a season of extreme strain on relationships (Pilot and I are fine) within my personal circle, and it emotionally drained me.
I’ve also been busy launching a new business! In my day-to-day life, I have always enjoyed creating art ever since I was a child It’s an inherent part of me. I’m a visual learning and planner, and my “murder board” (my board used to plot out my books) often has hand drawn maps and hand drawn “sets” for when I’m visualizing a scene in my books. It helps me make sense of where my characters are located, how they are in relation to each other, and how placement of furniture and characters will affect their movements, senses, and speech.
My new business is doing digital illustrations! There’s no theme other than I draw what I like. What I like tends to be cute things. Sometimes it falls under other stuff as well, but mostly cute things.
If you’re attending Left Coast Crime, look me up! I’d love to chat with you. I’ll be passing out business cards at the event, which will include my new digital illustration business as well.
See you there! If not, I’ll be writing about my experience at LCC when the conference is over. (I’ll do my best to take as many pictures as possible!)
Warning: This is a deeply emotional post. I will not be allowing comments on it due to the sensitive nature of this topic for me. Once again, those of us who suffer and experience the pain are being forced to talk through our pain for the greater good of education and for a brighter, progressive future. For those who have followed my blog, you know I’m an open book, however this topic is one that I refuse to accept any negativity towards to my point of view.
WHEN YOU THINK YOU KNOW BETTER.
I’m going to say this only once, because I should never have had to say it at all.
But, due to my rising concerns over the loss of healthcare for girls and women across the United States (and let’s face it, the world) regarding reproductive rights, I’m compelled to bring up this topic regarding girl’s and women’s access to free, safe, and easily attainable abortion(s) and to contraceptive care. I feel like society and the degrading direction we’re heading toward as a nation terrifies me and compels me to suffer through decades of deeply rooted pain to educate.
DO NOT USE THE PHRASE, “YOU CAN GIVE IT UP FOR ADOPTION” AS ANY TYPE OF LAME ASS EXCUSE TO PREVENT A GIRL OR WOMAN FROM HAVING A FREE, SAFE, EASILY ATTAINABLE ABORTION OR PREVENTING CONTRACEPTIVE CARE.
No girl (child) or woman should have to go through pregnancy if they don’t want to or are too young to understand what is happening to their body.
As someone who is the direct result of a teen pregnancy, having been internationally adopted, and also as a transracial (adopted outside of my race) adoptee, this flippant response is NOT OK.
As an adoptee, this argument is offensive, disgusting, disrespectful, shows a complete lack of research around adoptees, the birth parents, the lack of psychological support for both the adoptee and birth parents, the lack of studying or obtaining any knowledge about real kids who are in the system, who never leave it, who age out of it, and issues and lack of privileges as they navigate the world with no help It shows a complete disinterest in the lack of care many orphans and adoptees receive, the horrors of our needs-to-be-reformed-decades-ago foster care system.
Frankly, that offhanded remark is a huge slap to my face. ME. My face.
Abortions should be legal everywhere.
I’ve always felt this, and have been quite vocal about it, loooong before I required a medically necessary one to save my life.
Don’t casually toss out or throw around my abandonment issues, my loss/confusion/pain of racial identity, my loss of country—my Korean culture, language, history, heritage—my family, my unknown biological family, nor the financial, emotional, and physical sacrifices my parents went through to adopt me, etc….
DO NOT USE MY LIFE AND EXPERIENCES as any type of reason for endangering the lives of millions of girls and women. Using MY LIFE as a reason is not for YOU to decide.
I DECIDE.
As GOP/Republican voters and government officials have reversed Roe v. Wade (codify Roe v. Wade!), have removed abortion as an option at any stage of a pregnancy, have removed scientifically-based health/sex education out of schools, as they are burning books and sacrificing our children’s right to education—a full, multi-perspective-based, and scientifically backed education—I DECIDE. NOT YOU about how to use the phrase, “Just give it up for adoption.”
ME. I DECIDE. NOT YOU.
Keep my trauma, my childhood, every racially charged moment I’ve experienced, every time a bully yelled at me or hit me because I wasn’t White, keep the time I was once a pregnancy that derailed a teenage girl’s life, my time as an orphan, the process of my adoption that severed my ties to anything related to my birth country and culture, the history of my hardworking parents who adopted me, my family, my unknown biological family, KEEP ALL OF THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO USE IT. I AM NOT YOUR “TOKEN” FOR DESTROYING HUMANE HEALTHCARE.
KEEP MY LIFE OUT OF YOUR FILTHY MOUTH, especially as you sentence millions of girls (children) and women to physical trauma, psychological trauma, and to many what WILL (not might, WILL) be their deaths.
Just as much as you have ZERO RIGHTS to control MY BODY, you also have ZERO RIGHTS to use MY LIFE EXPERIENCE for your so-called “pro life” views and agenda.
As the winter holidays approach, including our big one for those of us who celebrate Christmas, I lead my holiday celebrations with this this mindset and intention:
I attended conservative religious schools my whole life until college.
But, as a minority female in nearly all-white student, faculty, and staff schools, what I witnessed of their intentions and what I experienced from “good Christians” interacting with a non-White person (and my presence being even more confusing for them to process as my family is also White due to my adoption) vs what they preached every Wednesday (weekly, mandatory school church sessions held as part of our curriculum), Bible study class (a graded subject that affected our GPAs), what my fellow classmates and teacher’s churches put forth as their missions versus how they treated “outsiders,”… well, I have a different view of the Christian religion.
Real followers of Christianity, the concept of God, and the followers of a Jesus-led life: We should all support women’s healthcare (which includes abortions) and the LGBTQIA+ community because we should all care about people’s health, healing, and well being. Did we forget that Jesus hung out with the leper colonies? We should love our neighbors as ourselves and as God loves them (the marginalized, the ignored). Jesus hung out with those the churches of the time (and still now) love to yell at and blame for the world’s problems.
A Jesus led life does these things. Because we are ALL God’s creation and His people. We’re to lead lives of giving, sharing, loving, supporting, and understanding of our community and with love in our hearts for others.
Indoctrinated religious folks are those who provide hate-and-fear mongering blind support.
Indoctrinated religious folks are loudest and unfortunately fall into a trap of “I’m going to convert you now! You follow THIS or go to hell! You don’t like what I like? <le gasp!/scandalized!> We’re going to punish you, shame you, and damn you to hell!”
Anyone’s choice of no faith, spirituality, or religion is in their heart. Anyone’s sexuality is what it is because God made that person the way they are, whether it be gay, straight, bi, non-binary, transgender, poly, monogamous, or asexual.
Many family members and others who have been present for a long time, I feel like they sometimes believe I’m not a Christian. The problem is that I think they still feel this way.
My faith is in my metaphorical heart. I don’t have a bunch of crosses in my home, nor around my neck, or on my car, or on my shirt. I don’t go to a church every Sunday. What constitues being allegedly “Christian” nowadays doesn’t feel good to me, and those symbolic lifestyles seem as empty of a gesture as helpong the community then asking them, “Have you heard the good news?” That’s not helping people. That’s committing a selfish act with the intention of conversion. I’m also strongly politically left. I don’t think I’ve ever been a conservative, I was just forced to not share my views in my youth.
My family was strongly conservative during my 1980s/1990s childhood. My dad was a veteran, and my parents both grew up on farms in the country. My family is of German heritage. My parents were/are both light eyed, tall, White, with my dad being blonde and my mom having light brown hair, and both are of the Baby Boomer generation. (Could anyone honestly be surprised they were/are conservative?)
Having said that, being conservative nowadays means something else entirely. “The 2023 “conservative” now means blindly following the orange ass from Florida who has spent his senior years doing everything he can to spit upon and destroy democracy and common decency, incite violence and hate, marginalize and dehumanize already persecuted groups within our society, obliterate and literally burn away our educational systems (of which we didn’t have stellar systems from a global standpoint anyway), and 100% hates women and children.
Never in my life have I witnessed such a litmus test for Christianity and living a Christ-centered life. The orange ass from Florida really forced us to decide what Christianity actually is vs. selfishness, greed, and hate disguised as Christianity.
Right now, alleged Christianity means blindly following and putting millions of dollars into hateful concepts like Chik Fil A and Hobby Lobby. Continually sexualizing children, women, and preventing any and all options of humane medical treatments, including abortion.
#AbortionIsHealthcare. I firmly believe that. It saved my life when I experienced a miscarriage from a pregnancy of which I wasn’t yet aware and was causing all kinds of blood pressure issues endangering my body.
As I watch this particular brand of political indoctrinated religious troop physically and mentally beat down others nationwide, all while screaming and crying and playing victim during standard government procedures, who is the off-kilter weirdo here?
I am a person who lives my life in as a respectful, giving, kindness-led, intentional life that wants to provide others with as much dignity, care, and support as possible.
“I believe the children are our future,” (Greatest Love of All, as sung by the late Whitney Houston) and believe they should have access to ALL books and literature, including books that contain multiple researched viewpoints of a single moment in history. I believe education should be free AND easily accessible to all. I believe college and university should be free and easily accessible to all.
I believe in universal healthcare because we all deserve easily accessibe, safe, sane, and effective medicine. Why wouldn’t I want that for anyone else? A physically healthy society is a thriving society because we’re focused on what we want to do with our lives versus wondering if we’ll have enough shifts to cover medical expenses before we can focus on anything else. As someone who spent 10 years in debt and fixing my credit score because of a 2012 cancer scare and both my spouse and I needing surgery that year, and having lived paycheck to paycheck and forced to decide between gas to get to work or food for the month, why would I wish that struggle onto anyone else? This includes abortion.
I believe that women and girls deserve easy access to life saving (in both physical and mental perspectives), safely performed abortion and birth control. No person should have to be forced to give birth as a result of secual assault and/or incest. No body should be forced to give birth in general, especially if you’re a minor. Let alone a small child going through pregnancy and childbirth. This is a violation of human rights, child safety, and absolutely appalling that Roe v. Wade was overturned by the orange ass from Florida and his followers.
I believe in loving, accepting, and supporting the LGBTQIA+ community. Anyone’s love for another person who is not harming themselves or others is never a bad thing. Being in a healthy, safe, sane relationship with one or many people doesn’t hurt anyone. Love is never a bad thing to celebrate, embrace, and share with others. A flower and a vegetable may be different, but they’re both plants that deserve nurturing, care, and a safe environment to grow and thrive. Both provide and deserve to be in the world and have a purpose. The LGBTQIA+ community is the gorgeous flower to my trite method of existence.
I believe in gun control because I’m tired of seeing children go to school and die, I’m tired of seeing Black people die, I’m tired of Americans of Asian descent being attacked for a virus none of us had anything to do with, I’m tired of hearing about mass shootings. But you want to put an assault rifle in your 5 year old’s hands and display your Smith and Wessons in your Christmas card all because “Boy, howdy, do I just love these guns!” and no other reason. I’m tired of racist, unbalanced, trigger-happy, power-hungry, small-dick energy assholes being the law enforcers of our country. Police are to be a SERVICE to the community, not causing families to arrange FUNERAL SERVICES because a cop was feeling extra racist that day.
I avoid the current misogynistic, racist, and hate-filled structure of churches, If there is a church that, while not perfect because perfection doesn’t exist, but actually shows that it and its congregation has a loving, giving, respectful view because we genuiniely want to help others with ZERO plans of a “conversion session,” maybe then I’ll consider attending. As of today, at age 39, I have yet to see a church that doesn’t operate under misogynistic, non -racist, non-agenda service to its community.
I don’t believe “all things happen for a reason.” Many religious people spout this comment, but I respond with a simple: Meh. My dad and my only living grandparent both dying in 2007–my grandma right before my final year of college’s finals week, and my dad dying the day after Thanksgiving–those weren’t for a grand life purpose reason. My grandma was 99 years old, and my dad had a heart defect. Plus, he smoked all day every day and never took care of himself. There was no positive as a result of these negative events. They happened, it hurt, it still hurts to a point today, and there was absolutely nothing gained from those two things other than clinical depression and a few years of feeling like I was drowning. Neither got to see me get married or have my child. What good came of that?
Remember “free will?” I believe sometimes shitty things happen. Plus, negative choices cause repurcussions and co sequences of those choices. It wasn’t “meant to be.” It was a result of someone else’s choice to say or do the wrong thing.
What I do believe in is that it’s our intention and our choices before, during, or after the shitty thing that matters. The kindness in a gesture. Taking the moment to listen to someone having a problem or multiple problems in their day. Helping someone put their shopping cart away. General manners. At this point, as mentioned above, basic human decency is under attack.
If you see something bad happening, and it’s safe for you to intervene, say, or do something!
Indoctrinated religious people who allegedly follow a Jesus-led life but have been scammed into leading a heretic’s existence, these people who compare minorities to vermin, support guns while we reach school shooting 306 for this year alone, force birth upon women and children, support electing government officials who have physically and mentally harmed others, who go through women like toilet paper, who take away basic human function rights and needs, who believe we don’t deserve access to full perspective scope education, not separating church and state, scream at others and thinking their knowledge is higher than God’s by deciding and screaming who should go to hell, and populating four walled structures to continue this cycle of misguided self-righteousness, selfishness, narrow-minded thinking, hate-spewing, fear mongering, human decency destroying, and verbally and physically violent existence:
Stop it.
You’re not under attack. You’re upset because you’re realizing you’re not getting your way. Just because you’re receiving a “No” doesn’t mean we aren’t wrong.
You’re upset, whining, and throwing a temper tantrum of epic proportions that would make a toddler blush because you’re facing the consequences of your actions.
Christianity isn’t being attacked. You’re being held accountable.
And so, I go into Christmas with a heart filled with wanting a safe, healthy, non-violent, community-supporting, human rights-loving, society-healing, and kindness, dignity, and respect-led intention. By continually making choices and statements that keep the world in mind, not just what’s favorable and convenient to me, not because something differs from my opinion. I remain labeled as a politically left liberal because that’s the category I fall into because it is fighting for the world I want to live in. Not just because my hair is fuchsia now.
Being liberal today means living the life I know Jesus would want. That’s the world God wants us to maintain. And so, I go into Christmas with the intention of continually fighting for marginalized communities, making sure I use my privilege and resources to uplift their voices, to protect the safety of our women, girls, children, LGBTQIA+ community, for healthcare, for education, for not wanting to create nor support a fascist country, for not wanting any more violence, for not wanting people to hurt or be hurt further, for wanting healing from the traumas the orange ass from Florida and his heretic followers have caused.
I go into Christmas with a focus on a Jesus-led lifestyle, with Jesus in my heart, and hopefully living a life that reminds people why we celebrate in the first place.
One last point of order: Jesus wasn’t white. Jesus was an immigrant/refugee. Jesus was Jewish. Jesus condemned the church. Jesus loved EVERYONE.
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to all who celebrate!
For those who don’t celebrate anything, I wish you a safe, restorative, joyful winter season leading to a fresh new year!
Are you a “Black Friday” shopper? The concept is useless to me. It’s like The Hunger Games and Squid Games wrapped in one, but instead of someone eventually being a winner, you are paying money to the game master for the emotional, and most likely physically painful, fight for retail survival. Stores convinced you that money is saved but it’s a farce.
Before the internet, I recall my parents waking up hours before dawn to freeze their asses off for that magic deal. My younger self promised my future (now present day) self that I would not be a Black Friday shopper. I don’t understand purposely activating my fight or flight response for an Elmo toy or air fryer.
Many years I worked retail and recall prices slowly increased weeks leading up to Thanksgiving. When Black Friday came around, the item appeared as a glistening ‘heavily discounted’ price. In reality, it was back to the original price it held a majority of the year. It’s a marketing ploy that costs you more than just the usual price and time. It adds the service fee of potential physical injury. Plus an added bonus of a loss of dignity as lizard-brain takes over, turning normal humans into Gollum, ready to swipe you for taking their precious TV box.
Think about it: Black Friday deals don’t suddenly time out after 10 AM. The sale(s) runs until the store closes for the day. If you must venture out, do it later. They still have inventory, the rush is over, and it’s quieter without shoppers shoving you around like a linebacker.
I usually ignore Black Friday altogether. Our family prefers to give homemade food treats, or yarn projects (hats, scarves, sweaters), some other kind of craft, or provide the recipient an experience for enjoyment at a time of their choosing.
Black Friday is a rare day I’m so grateful the internet exists. If I must Black Friday shop, I do it from the comfort of my own home. Frumpy clothes, messy hair, and some kind of beverage/snack in hand.
Whatever your feelings about the Thanksgiving holiday (I’m shocked we, as a nation, still actually celebrate this with the reparations that still need to be made with the Indigenous community), whether you celebrate it, loathe it, or somewhere in between, I wish you good health, safe travels, quality sleep, nourishing meals, and restorative rest and relaxation.
Separate note: If you have chosen to fry a turkey, please for the love of all that is holy, do your research! Fully thaw it safely and gain a strong understanding of fluid dynamics. Do not accidentally immolate yourself for the sake of a protein. I need you alive to buy my stuff… on a non-Black Friday day.
I will be attending Left Coast Crime 2024: Seattle Shakedown from April 11-14, 2024! I’ll be hanging out as an attendee, but if you happen to see me, feel free to say hello.
My peeps, I am so excited. This will be my second LCC. (I forgot I attended Whale of a Crime awhile back), I’m really looking forward to the guest speakers.
Be warned, although this says it’s in “Seattle” it’s actually going to be in Bellevue, WA. It’s a completely different city, it’s further east from the water, and it’s super… “uptown” vibe. If you’re within the main part of Bellevue, it’s walkable, but Seattle is 20 minutes west on a good traffic day.
I haven’t decided if I’ll be staying at the hotel, staying nearby, or just driving down each morning instead. Since many things start at 9 AM, I may just drive down and grit my teeth for dealing with traffic.
From their website:
“What is Left Coast Crime? Left Coast Crime is an annual mystery convention sponsored by mystery fans, both readers and authors. LCC is held during the first third of the year in Western North America. Conventions have been held from Anchorage to El Paso, from Boulder to Hawaii, and various locations in between.
Our purpose is to host an event where readers, authors, critics, librarians, publishers, and other fans can gather in convivial surroundings to pursue their mutual interests.
Left Coast Crime is an all-volunteer organization — neither the members of the Standing Committee nor members of each annual convention committee are paid for their time. LCC is a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt non-profit organization. Each Left Coast Crime Convention raises money to support a local literacy organization with funds collected through silent and live auctions, and the annual Quilt Raffle.
As mentioned before, Pilot, Little Buddy Bacher, and I moved into our first house in 2022. While we don’t own the property, we do own our home. That’s right, we moved into a mobile home community. Not that there’s anything wrong with this, but we did not move to a trailer park. We moved to a mobile home community. It’s a pocket community of nicely shared fields, a simple, single in/out location, and the property is well maintained.
However, as mentioned in a previous post, our mobile home community was owned by a private couple who hired a property manager for the neighborhood. Well guess what? The couple decided to sell the property. Are we getting kicked out of our home? No. The owners decided to provide our neighbors and us with the opportunity to become a co-operative community.
The property is still owned under one owner: The co-operative. We elected an interim board of individuals, who work on creating a business name for our neighborhood. That “business” owns the property now instead of the couple. Think of it like a mini–Homeowner’s Association.
Our neighborhood is currently split in groups. Half of the neighbors are of the Baby Boomer generation. The other half is split between middle aged people, and people with young children. Pilot and I happen to be the center of the Venn diagram of the latter half of our community.
The Interim Board has been 4 men and 1 woman.
Well, here is my bias showing. Am I concerned about our neighborhood being ruled by white, Boomer-aged, proven to not be technologically literate, male presenting people? Especially in the 2023 social climate surrounding budgets, equity in home ownership, and the terrifyingly exponential increase of misogyny and racism? ABSOLUTELY.
Today’s community meeting was the election of the first full-term Board of Directors. The “Secretary” (I do have issues with this terminology) position had zero candidates. The interim secretary decided to step down. When the room was open to suggesting nominees, did anyone say anything? No. After a dead silent pause of 6 seconds, a white-haired White woman, who seemed quite disinterested, raised her hand with the statement, “If no one else wants to, I guess I’ll do it.” I’ll admit, not the attitude I had in mind regarding the people deciding the future of how I live in my own home.
Well, what would you do? This is an opportunity to set a precedent for future Boards to show multiple generations of people, of all races, and genders (or non-binary), can create a positive impact and fresh start to, let’s face it, an extremely tired-looking community. And let’s face it, I’m not working, I’m not writing at the pace I once was—though this blog is to help me get back into the discipline of writing frequently, eventually back to mostly daily.
I raised my hand.
Gave my spiel about my qualifications and my note-taking ability. (I may have mentioned my record of typing 101 words per minute with 94% accuracy.) If any of them saw my resume, they’d know I’m deeply overqualified to be someone’s “Secretary.”
Then, a voice rang out. The wife of the current Secretary asked: “Since you’re a stay-at-home parent, if you get a job again, will you have time to dedicate to this?”
Really? In this day and age, in the year 2023? The board is filled with people with jobs. I’d love to know if they were they questioned about their availability and time-management skills.
Feeling the eyes of literally my entire neighborhood on me, I knew as a minority female in 2023 America, my answer was going to be really key at setting the foundation of my ability to work with, and for, these people. Half of whom are of the same generation (or older) of the person who asked this question.
I kept my cool and answered. “I’m being selective about what positions I’m applying to as I’m job searching at the moment. Also, I’ve been known to be a workaholic. And I’m a clinical insomniac, so I don’t sleep. So, there’s that.”
Luckily, my answer got a decent laugh and ended the tension of the extremely outdated, sexist, misogynistic, and tone-deaf question.
The vote was 16-7.
I won.
One of the seven votes for the other candidate was from me. I’m not that arrogant to not vote for my competitor.
The board is now 3 men, 2 women. That feels more balanced to me.
Have I mentioned that I love playing the Choices* app on my phone. It’s an app that provides interactive visual novels. You create a custom character, select certain dialogue, can pay for gem scenes, and your choices can affect the ending of the story. Am I a little concerned about the timing of said game, early access to VIP subscribers for one of their books currently on weekly release called “Dirty Little Secrets,” regarding a murder of the president of the Homeowner’s Association of the main character’s neighborhood? Well, yeah… maybe.
If anything, my term is only for one calendar year. 12 meetings. I can handle 12 meetings. I’m looking at this as an opportunity to directly combat that type of outdated thinking to set a precedent of equity, respect, no HR-violating questions, and also show my child that groups in a position of power need to be extremely diverse in gender, age, ethnicity, and background to ensure all residents of the community are represented, feel seen, feel heard, and that the group representation is a vision queue that any open forum is a safe space for all.
Maybe this experience will be good research for how suburb HOAs work. Maybe this will help bridge the chasm between generations and residents. Allow us to come together and create a space of mutual respect and true community. To prevent outdated, divisive attitudes that echo in the format of the (hopefully soon imprisoned) orange ass from Florida, from cropping up. To destroy the weeds of misogyny, racism, generation wars.
If putting up with 12 meetings helps us have a fresh start to where my child’s community is working with him instead of actively against his interests, I’ll do it.
Having said that…
What the hell have I gotten myself into?
*I have not been paid or compensated in any way to promote this business. The above is of my sole opinion, and I utilize the app paid with my own funds.
Yesterday was October 13th, a Friday, (though I’m not superstitious). My mom came out to watch our Little Buddy Bacher last night. It was literally the first full night off from parenting for both Pilot and I at the same time since New Year’s.
I’ll remind you: It is October. Welcome to parenthood!
That’s right, 10 months of Pilot and I being non-parents at the same time. What did we do?
I have never understood parents/guardians who take a “date night” and spend it seeing a movie. You literally have time off to talk about anything and everything outside of your child(ren) and outside of your role as caregiver, but pick an activity where you don’t speak to each other? Nah, that’s not the way we roll, people. Nope, not us! Instead, we attend a comedy show to watch someone else talk, while Pilot and I don’t speak to each other!
For real though, months ago we bought tickets to see Adam Sandler perform stand up on his I Missed You tour. He came to Seattle last night and performed at Climate Pledge Arena.
It was Pilot’s first time being there. I happened to be at Climate Pledge Area with some friends during The Mixtape Tour, a musical tour encompassing New Kids on the Block, En Vogue, Salt ‘n Pepa, and one of my all-time favorites, Rick Astley. Yes, I love getting Rick Rolled. He’s amazing, the voice of an angel, and one of the nicest people. Love Rick Astley. I’ll never give him up.
We felt like super, ultra, mega VIPs having paid for “club seats.” Pilot and I have never done anything like that ever. We’re economy class flyers, nosebleed section attendees, hopefully “paid everything with a coupon” type of people. And that was before becoming parents.
The show was super fun. It started out with two warmup acts, then a surprise stand-up routine with Tim Meadows, and then, of course, the Sandman. There he was, Adam Sandler in all of his Hawaiian print polo shirt glory. He did some of his iconic singing jokes, with some of the melodies being throwbacks to music he wrote for his many movie roles.
Pilot was especially tickled during a song for new parents. I’m not sure exactly what the title is, but it’s melody went along the lines of, I’d like to do/be doing [enter activity here] but I’m tired. So f*cking tired. Another line something like, “…I’m in an office meeting trying to listen, but I’m staring off into space because I’m tired. So f*cking tired.” BAHAHAHAHAAA! Pilot leaned over to me and whispered, “I’ve never felt so seen!” A grin, laughing with tears in his eyes.
And those “club seats!” Oh man, they were amazing! (P)leather, plushy, extra leg room, and I think we were maybe 10 rows up from the ground level. I’ve never had such amazing seats for anything like that. The only caveat was our food bill:
2 canned drinks 1 slice of pizza 1 scoop of gelato 1 gigantic cookie
TOTAL: $75USD
I asked Pilot how the pizza was. He shrugged and replied, “It’s not bad.” I told him he better eat every bite because that single slice of pizza averaged to $15. As he finished the last reasonable crumb, he laughed about how it was the most expensive piece of pizza either of us had ever eaten. This includes one time when I ate a medium salmon pizza from one of Wolfgang Puck’s airport restaurants in Las Vegas, waiting for a flight home.
Other than that, it was an excellent night. While I certainly won’t be someone who springs for plushy seats, I would definitely consider paying for those again, maybe once every few years for the comfort.
Lesson learned? Luxury is awesome, but I wish it was affordable for everyone all of the time. Also, Adam Sandler’s still got it! Thanks for a memorable night out, Mr. Sandler.
You can see more of our photos from last night on my Instagram.
Pilot and I have looked back upon this year with a fresh lens and dubbed Summer 2023 as “The Summer of Suck.“
While I’m a firm believer of “Any day above ground is a good day,” as stated by Gene Simmons’ mother, it still doesn’t always remove the sting out of a rough period in one’s life.
June 2023 was one of the most challenging yet. We had purchased a used van—yes, we became “van people”—and four days after purchase it died. Was in the shop for ONE MONTH, and after two weeks after a month of work, it died again while I was on the freeway with my child in the backseat. All for us to turn around, sell it back to the dealership and bought a different van. Luckily, this one is still running. (Keep those fingers crossed and prayers up.)
A family member broke their wrist earlier this summer. Their other wrist. They first broke their left wrist about two years ago and required surgery. This time, they broke the right wrist, which also required surgery. Two of Pilot’s family members were in and out of the emergency room 4 times in 6 weeks. They’re still recovering.
I’ve lost contact with another family member. This particular person has had a rough go at life, made poor decisions, had difficulty in the romance department and been heartbroken many times. If cutting themselves off from our family is what is needed for that person to find peace and joy within their life, I wish them well, and I’ll explain why further down. The remainder of my side of the family is still really confused, but we hope this person comes back if they want to.
My (now former) best friend, of the last eight years had two people from their life come up to me on separate occasions within the same week indicating that I was “too poor to be my (former) bestie’s friend,” in front of said (former) bestie, and my (former) bestie didn’t stick up for me. These two elitist people are ones in friend’s life that she openly, and quite frequently, complained about during the course of this eight-year friendship, and she often wondered why she kept them in her life. And she would mention these feelings to me about them. While I never expect anyone to fight my battles, I’d at least like to think a person who identified as my ‘best friend’ would at least be willing to stand with me during said moments of discomfort. She did not. I ended said friendship. Who wants to stay friends with someone who, by omission of any backup, must obviously believe the same thing? She treated me more like an assistant the last year of our friendship than an actual friend. It’s a bad habit of mine to become a doormat for the sake of friendship, and unfortunately, I learned this lesson again. However, I stuck up for myself this time, said no negative things to her, and instead wished her well in a “break up friendship text,” hoping they find happiness in their future, without me in it, and I moved on.
Another of Pilot’s family members and one of their kids has determined that not only do they wish us a bad life and misfortune, but they also hate me specifically regarding things I had zero involvement with.
Have you ever been hated? It’s a strange feeling to know there are two people in the world who feel my existence is enough to have a negative impact upon their lives—people I see maybe 5-6 times per year, and we don’t live anywhere near each other or in a situation where our paths would cross outside of family get-togethers. (Enter shrug here.) In reality, they are dealing with an extremely real villain within their own home but choose to focus their pain into hatred against me because it’s easier choosing to find strength within themselves to leave the monster at home. Luckily, it’s been made clear to me by other members of Pilot’s family, Pilot’s parents, and super obvious to myself anyway, that they are the ones with the problems, and they have a lot of pain they’re working through. I happened to be in the crosshairs of their pain rage against the monster at home, and they decided to keep me there instead of focusing on the extremely real and present danger in their lives.
Is it fair? No. Is it sane? No. Do I care? Well… that’s a complicated answer.
Is it a good feeling to be hated? No. Do I like the idea of someone out there feeling my existence is enough to cause rage in their day (beyond the usual crowd of bigots and/or misogynists)? No. As far as trying to repair this bridge they set on fire, while I wasn’t even in the same town of said bridge, I’m not the one with the problem. I’m happy to see them at Christmas and wish them well. Will I still continue crocheting hats for the 3/3 kids despite 1/3 hating me? Yup. Will we be there if there’s an emergency and they need something? Of course, they’re still humans and we should all care and support our fellow humans. These people have zero impact on how I problem solve, make decisions, act within my marriage, act within my home, parent Buddy Bacher, or treat my side of the family. Their issues are widely known, and they continually choose to go back to the same cycle of problems instead of leaving the shitshow. Pilot and I simply hope they don’t end up on Dateline someday.
Pilot and I have been together for over twenty years now. 20 years. I’d like to think we know each other’s families well enough to know when a problem is us vs them. This is definitely a “them” problem. If they’re in the same room, cool. If not, cool. (Again, insert shrug.) All I can personally say about those two: I hope they find the strength to leave said horror shit-show, may the 3/3 kids not repeat the cycle, and may they learn how to build happiness and healthy, positive relationships within their own lives, because they deserve that.
Embrace the words of Keanu Reeves:
“I’m at that stage in life where I stay out of discussions. Even if you say 1 + 1 = 5, you’re right! Have fun!” – Keanu Reeves
If it doesn’t directly impact Pilot, Buddy Bacher, myself, our home, or our day-to-day living—It’s all moot to me. I am other people’s lives neutral at this point. Pilot leveled up to 40 this year. I leveled up to 39. If someone needs to drop contact from me to find peace within their lives, I 100% understand as Pilot and I have also cut ourselves off from others in search of that same inner peace. And you know what? Letting go of the trauma-drama cycle those people have going on that they tried to drag us into, has significantly reduced the stress in our home, how we spend our free time, and it’s opened both Pilot and I up to having time for our hobbies once again. One perfect example is I’m actually able to write this blog again.
The peace comes once you embrace the lesson from The Summer of Suck, which is: Not my circus, not my monkeys.
Yes, it’s been ANOTHER 2 years. There’s a lot of reasons I haven’t written, most of which boil down to:
I’m tired.
I’m just going to get into it. I haven’t written in 2 years because the day after I posted my last blog, long ago in April 2021, I had a miscarriage. It was bad, and I almost died.
I didn’t know that I was pregnant. It was about 2 AM, my husband and child were asleep, and all of a sudden, I was bleeding everywhere, and it wouldn’t stop. Due to it being the middle of the night, I didn’t want to wake my (then) toddler (now 4-year-old), for him to be tired, meltdown, and upset, and have all three of us in the hospital. Especially during spring of 2021, as this was during the height of the Covid lockdowns. I was transferred by ambulance to another hospital to handle it since the ER I was currently was unable to continue with the needed procedures my body required. At the next hospital, I vomited, and was given a medically-induced abortion to expedite the process of the miscarriage, and to save my life from the blood loss.
I was sent home later that day, and my body went through some post-partum hormone changes that I was familiar with from my first pregnancy, including some hair loss. That was fun.
Needless to say, the same moment of learning that I was pregnant, and also simultaneously losing the pregnancy, is an experience I don’t wish on anyone. There is a strange cocktail of emotions (and hormones) that get mixed up in that moment. It affected both Pilot and I differently, and the same, for a while. It took us each a long time to process.
There really aren’t any more details I wish to share on such a public platform. So, there’s that.
Covid happened shortly after that last post, and frankly Covid sucked for everyone.
I don’t want to get I into politics here, especially with my debut post of trying to get back into a routine of writing on the regular.
I’m still debating if I should self-publish or resubmit my books to a new publisher. I was burned so badly with my first/last experience of it, I’m a bit at a decision overload and have been stuck at a stalemate with my brain for the last few years.
Being a first-time parent was extremely overwhelming, and having post-partum depression the first time was rough. Going through some post-pregnancy hormone changes a second time without knowing I had been pregnant was also a wild ride that I don’t wish to get into much.
One comment I will write is this: If you know of someone who has recently had a miscarriage, PLEASE DO NOT WRITE THEM A “SORRY ABOUT YOUR DEAD BABY” GREETING CARD.
Yes, this actually happened to me. 0 stars. Do not recommend.
My son just turned 4 this month. The one we introduced to you two years ago. We’re considering preschools already. It surprises me how nowadays the time seems to fly by when the newborn phase seemed like a never-ending phase of no sleep fog.
My *intention* is to get back into monthly writing here again.
It has never *not* been my intention.
For those who have stayed subscribed to my little blip in the internet world, thank you. My books (despite no longer being on the shelves at this time), would never have been as successful as they were without the people who read my little blog. It all started with you.
I call you “Precious” for a reason. You are all virtual strangers, but so dear to me.
Take care, and please know that my *intention* is always there and I haven’t forgotten about you.
I hope you haven’t forgotten about me. And most importantly, for those who are still here:
It’s been quite some time… almost TWO YEARS! I can’t believe it!
Here’s the short version:
Nope, I didn’t die. Kid is healthy, and so are all of us.
No, I didn’t forget you. (How could I? You’re who got me started!)
No, I haven’t given up writing.
Here’s the (somewhat) longer version:
Nope, I didn’t die. Kid is healthy, and so are all of us. After my last blog post, life became quite hectic for Pilot and myself. I was at my third trimester, Pilot and I had moved to a new home, we were expecting the birth of our son, the adjustment to becoming first time parents, my book rights were reverted back to me, and then Covid-19 happened. Pregnancy was extremely difficult for me, and made the newborn phase for all of us quite tiresome. More on this in the future.
Nope, I didn’t forget you. There is a lot going on in the world at this time. I won’t condense what happened to me and my family in one post. Instead, I’m going back to basics. I’m using this blog to help me warm up back to writing a little each day. Becoming a first time parent was quite overwhelming and, frankly, I wasn’t able to find the time to write due to exhaustion. (But more on that later.)
This blog post, on April 10th, 2021 is a promise of a monthly blog post to you, Precious Reader, but mostly to myself. That I haven’t lost the writing bug, and proof that is truly my life’s purpose to bring words to the world that, hopefully, make you smile, make you think, and most importantly, laugh your asses off.
No, I haven’t given up writing. Like most of you, Pilot and I are hunkering down and working from home. This means that life adjustments were made to find a way to create an at-home office for Pilot while we lived inside of it. This has prevented office space for me as items were moved to various rooms, desk surfaces became priority real estate in our small apartment for things like dinner, and the fact that I am now a full-time Stay At Home Mom (SAHM), his work has priority over my needs for technology in exchange for a roof over our heads and food on the table.
While I haven’t given up on writing, it became a lesser priority in 2019-present day to preserve my sanity. This blog post is my tiptoeing back into the writing world. My publisher and I are no longer under contract, and the rights to my Roxy Summers Mystery series were reverted back to me. I’ve been sitting on my books for several months due to motherhood, and also trying to decide what next steps there are for me. I’m greatly considering a career change that will allow me more time to write books.
For those who follow me on social media you already know what’s been going on. For those who don’t follow me on social media, here’s a quick breakdown:
Pregnancy was tough. Our birth story isn’t a happy one, even though it ends with a healthy toddler and healthy parents (now). More on that in the near future.
After George Floyd’s death, I became quite vocal in support of the #BlackLivesMatter movement.
Our family was on the receiving end of an attempted hate crime in June 2020. When we reported it to the police, the officer tried to intimidate me from reporting, and also tried to turn Pilot against me during the filing since he’s White. More on that in the near future.
I received several death threats on social media simply for not being a White person, and for defending Black Lives. This caused me to take down any photos of my child, my family, and friends, except for Pilot. He is a public figure in his own right and doesn’t care that his face appears on my social media. My child’s face will always be blocked, even on this post.
Covid-19 hit the world.
In more recent times there has been a steady increase of active harassment and violence against the Asian and Pacific Islander community, of which I am a part of.
Our family and friends have dealt with a lot of personal losses since 2019, including some of my own family. Since 2019-present: Seven people in our family’s life contracted Covid-19, two of which were on ventilators and weren’t sure if they would make it. Despite some deaths in the family, those who contracted Covid-19, gratefully, survived it.
I’m literally getting my Covid-19 vaccination today. I’m receiving the Johnson & Johnson vaccination. One and done, Precious Readers.
The Present
As I’m sure most of you are in a similar situation, Pilot and I have spent the last 21 months discussing how to make our lives recession-proof, which morphed into “plague-proof.” We have been incredibly grateful that Pilot has continued to stay fully employed at his job, and reached his three-year milestone last November. I’m so proud of him. He found a job that brings him so much joy, despite not having seen any members of his team face-to-face in over a year. I’m grateful we already had a plan in place for me to become a SAHM prior to the pandemic, so it wasn’t as much of a disruption to our lives as it may have deeply impacted yours.
If you, or a loved one, is suffering the affects of Covid-19 in any capacity: as a pandemic that is affecting your job, your ability to find and keep shelter, your mental health, your physical health, the life of a loved one, the loss(es) of a loved one, I highly encourage you to reach out for help with your local community resources, if you can. Or find someone in your life who is able to find resources for you.
On January 1, 2021, Pilot and I decided we needed activities in which to look forward in participating. They didn’t have to be anything that put us at risk, or our child’s health at risk. We believe in science, we believe in masking up, we believe in social distancing. One of those activities was an outdoor photo session.
Let me explain. In my childhood, my parent’s didn’t really believe in the use of cameras. There are few photographs of my childhood, of my parents, or of our family. Pilot may be a talented and skillful photo/videographer, but he’s an aviation and real estate photo/videographer. He cannot take a portrait photo to save his life. I want our child to be able to see the memories we’ve built together. If we over-document our child, it’s because I’m a forgetful person and want to recall our lives together while Baby Bacher grows. Funnily enough, I came across a random Facebook Marketplace ad asking for “models.” I didn’t really think much of it, until I read the description.
Kalie and Devon, the owners of Filling the Frame Photography were looking for regular people of all genders, races, sizes, backgrounds, etc. who wanted a confidence boost, all to expand their portfolio. It would be done outdoors and/or socially distanced in a safe environment. This was intriguing, and I reached out. Surprisingly (to me) they were excited to work with us.
Pilot and I haven’t had a professional photo of our immediate family since our wedding over 10 years ago. (Our anniversary is next month! Squee!) We had never had a professional photo taken of Baby Bacher. Here was our opportunity!
Wehn we arrived, I was provided a dress to wear for the photos. While I was humorously far too short for it, she liked Pilot’s teal sweater and Baby Bacher’s outfit, so we kept a “blue” theme. I haven’t felt that fancy for a professional photo since my wedding and high school Proms. (Okay, being from conservative, Christian, private schooling, it wasn’t called “Prom.” It was called “a banquet, followed by a non-school sponsored, musical, aerobic activity.” Which, frankly, sounds far more creepy than simply calling it a dance. But, since some denominations of Christianity don’t like dancing, it has to be called the sterile, depressing name that it was.)
I did my own makeup, but my hair is not quite how I wanted it. You want to know why? It started hailing during our photo session. I wish I was kidding. You see my exposed arms? I was freezing! We were getting pelted with rain, and then hail started slicing down. Little pinpricks were smacking us on the head. Apparently nature had other plans as to how that session would go.
We worked only with Kalie, and she was one of the warmest people I’d ever met. Despite Pilot’s many talents, he absolutely hates being the subject of a camera. He freezes and the situation turns into one of the early scenes of Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Kalie got him to completely relax on camera, kept Baby Bacher calm and entertained, and even managed to get a few solo shots of our little buddy.
We are so grateful to Kalie for her time and the opportunity to work with her. The experience was literally one of the brightest spots of entertainment in our lives in almost 2 years. As you can tell by the photos, it was fun, relaxed, super easy to be in the moment, and preserved images of us as a first-time family with so much joy. I will be forever grateful for these awesome photos provided by Kalie’s hard work. If you live in Western Washington, I highly recommend Filling the Frame Photographyfor yourself, you and a loved one, your family, your pet, whatever. We will definitely be hiring her again.
The Future
A quick moment of seriousness: Essentially, this is a blog about my journey of being an author, and I hope it to remain as such. At times, political issues may arise in the future as they affect my life and how I currently live it now. If someone leaves any comment of hateful speech against me or another person, I will delete those comments and those people will be banned. Anyone who writes comments against the science around the virus Covid-19 will be deleted and those people will be banned. While I am a Christian, I believe in wearing a mask, getting vaccinated, and social distancing until this pandemic becomes a paragraph in a history book and is no longer physically present as a threat in our world.
Boiled down: I have a zero tolerance policy on hate speech, racism, anti-science, and threats.
And now, back to our regular programming…
Be on the lookout of your inboxes, Precious Reader. I am committing to writing monthly blog posts for myself and you. It will contain stories about our pregnancy, Baby Bacher’s birth, our lives, career starts and stops, and everything mentioned here. I’m looking forward to getting acquainted with you again, and I hope you’ll enjoy restarting this writing journey with me. I’ve missed you, and I hope you’re happy to hear from us as well.
Katherine Bacher 
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